Something that may not come as a surprise but I did it. Walking out that door tonight with my two dogs has to be one of the hardest things I've done. I'm not trying to prove a point or give an ultimatum, I'm trying to get peace. To live with a man that you love with everything you got and in return be treated so disrespectfully on his worse days can crush a woman. I am crushed but not damaged "goods." I gave all that I had, tried, prayed, cried and everything else but if he can't see what he had in me then maybe I made the right choice.
Of course, the little girl in me is hoping he comes and gets me and we live happily every after, after this lesson. Sadly, that's not the real world and I have no idea when or if he wants me back. A man's pride can keep him from the one he loves. Maybe he never loved me and was just comfortable? Maybe he doesn't know how to love? None of that justifies my hurt?
The anger in his eyes is the worse thing to see. This man has no feelings other then anger. In this one man is everything I've ever wanted and also what I don't want. Tonight I had a bank card thrown at my face because I asked him to turn off the TV at 10pm last night so that I could sleep. Tonight I was called cold hearted because I ask him to talk to his son about doing his laundry that was overflowing the day after he had a hard day at school. Is this what I deserve?
Now my two dogs, daughter and myself are all in one bedroom at my mom's house. What is my next step? Right now all I know is that I will be at my scheduled counseling session tomorrow. Will he show? I don't know. At this point I really need to focus on me and what God wants my next step to be. "Take the wheel Jesus" because I can't right now.
Whether he comes and gets me or not, my days ahead I'm sure will be hit with sadness and more questions then answers.
This sucks.
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