Can We Talk?

I understand that there has been a lot on our plate but as a woman I am an emotional person. A simple conversation that he seems interested in (other then sports, work or cars) makes all the difference to me. There are times that I am talking to him and I'm looking at him waiting for him to say something, agree/disagree, nod, something and it's like talking to a wall! I get nothing! Does he even know I'm staring at him waiting for a response? Is my husband the only one like this? 

This has been an issue for us in the past but it seems like it just becomes more common. When this happens I just stay quiet and tune out. I know he feels me when I shut him out and he doesn't like it. Maybe he'll catch on how it feels then, yea right! All it does is causes more issues between us. 

He use to be the romantic type but somewhere down the line he changed. 

For our anniversary I bought 5 date nights for us, put them each in envelopes and gave them to him. I was hoping this could take us back to our dating time. The dates ranged from massage classes to a murder mystery dinner. So far we've done 2 and that's only because I was bugging him about them. Has he asked anything about them since the last date? Nope. To be honest he's never asked about going on any of them unless I press him about it. Who is this man? 

I am very vocal about my feelings on all this to him and he just sees it as I'm "nitpicking," then tries to tell me that I'm not the same either. Of course when I ask him to give me an example of what's different about me, he can't think of any. We just got round in circles with this topic. 

I remember before he use to give me cards every Monday. No occasion was needed. He would hide them in my car for me to find and behind every card he'd either draw a pic or right a funny comment on the back that only him and I would get. And the flowers he would always send me. Everyone at work looked at me with envy that he would send them to me just in time for the last delivery to be making it's way into the trash. Him taking the time to make my day like this would mean the world to me! I saved each card he's given me and from time to time I take them out and read all of them. To be honest, it hurts when I read them. Where did this man go? 

I get glimpses of him but he never stays long. 

There is no shame in saying, hey, my marriage isn't perfect there are things we need to work on or there are somethings that I don't like right now. This just happens to be one of the things we need to work on and that I don't like. 

I want to feel like my spouse is not only willing to put the effort he once did to make me feel special but I want him to be happy to do it. Doe this make me selfish?

The majority of my Monday cards

Attacks In Paris

I was out running errands today when my husband called me and asked if I've heard the news. Naturally, I got nervous and asked what happened? He informed me of what was  going on in Paris. I couldn't dial into the news fast enough to hear for myself what was happening over there. 

To think that hundreds of families will never be the same after today, makes me feel guilty for taking my family for granted. Every night I go to bed with no doubt in my mind that my family will be here when I wake up and for years to come. 

Times like these makes one think. 

No matter what is happening in my life, good or challenging, I am happy to wake up everyday to the family that I have. 

My heart and prayers go out to families in Paris. 

Nintendo

Today is Friday, Sunday we spend the first night in our new place and Monday we turn over the keys to our "old" house! So much moving, cleaning, throwing away, excitement, fast food, it is sooo worth it! Not only are we moving but we are also downsizing, I cannot count how many 10 gallon bags I've taken to the Goodwill. My husband's niece's grandpa (I hope you can follow that haha) owns a dumpster company and gave us a great deal. A 20 foot dumpster for $200 is unheard of! We couldn't even have someone come and dispose of two mattresses for us for at least $400 and to get a dumpster for half that price, what a blessing! 

While I was dusting down the electronics in the living room I came across my Nintendo my husband bought for me a couple years back. The original NES. I started dusting it and debating about selling it. I looked on Craigslist to see what the going rate is for one of these systems. After my search I called my husband and told him that I could not part with the NES. Mind you, he's busy at work and here I come calling him talking about not parting with the NES, poor guy gets the strangest calls from me. Without, hesitation he tells me, "keep it baby, you don't have to get rid of it." Even though no one asked me to get rid of it or keep it for that matter, it felt good to have my feelings of not wanting to sell it confirmed that, it was OK to keep it.

Now I'm off to hunt down the Duck Hunt game and game gun for my NES! Cleaning can wait, Craigslist here I come!

My NES and my George in the background 

Words Hurt

A few weeks back I had a conversation with the biological mother of my son (please see The Biological Mom post for reference) and the horrible things that lady was saying had been playing over and over in my mind. The day after "that talk" my husband had a talk of his own with our son, explaining the reasoning behind the rules that we have at our house. He told him, that when his sister was younger he (my husband) let her do anything she wanted to keep her happy and now that she's 20 years old, she doesn't work, doesn't go to school, takes from everyone around her and lacks the simplest form of respect, he recognized that that was not the right way to parent. So now, he wants to have more structure, discipline and respect added to his parenting. Our son thought about it and after wards thanked my husband for explaining it to him. And that was that, between them.

Me on the other hand, I was still struggling with the things the bio mom told me that my son was saying about me. She even took it further by mentioning about going to court to limit our time with him. This was all too much for me to handle! I give everything I have to my kids! I do all that I can for them! I am the one who is spending time with them, not my husband and not his mom. And this is what I get in return? My son saying lies about me? But when he comes over here he wants me to take him here, take him there. This is not right in my eyes. I am no ones door mat nor do I condone such two faced behavior. Nope, not on my watch.

I wanted so badly to express all this to my husband but was scared it mite lead to a fight, this was eating me alive! Finally after a week and a half, I talked to him about it. I started the talk off by saying that, I was having a hard time and just need some encouragement. Then I let it loose, just talking about the situation I was brought to tears. This really rocked me to my core. My feelings were so hurt! My husband did good on uplifting me about our parenting together and that if she wants to go to court then she is in for a rude awakening. Here's this lady who's bf has called the cops on her for domestic violence and who's bf smokes weed, need I say more? This uplifted me, my husband was on my side!

The next couple of days after was even harder for me. Kids will be kids and complain, this I understand. But, when my son would do this to me it would frustrate me cause I wanted to tell him, "Hey just please do it." Before anything could come out of my mouth, his mother's words kept ringing in my ears. Despite the talk with my husband this feeling was not going away. My depress state erupted later that day with my husband, I left the house before an argument could take place. I went and talked with my family needing to laugh, needing to feel some type of joy cause I just was not getting it at home. I felt as if I was walking on egg shells so that my son won't go back to his mom and say more things about me.

When I went back home my husband and I talked, he had no idea that the root of my out burst was still do to this bio mom thing. I tried to express the true depth of my hurt. Somewhere along my venting he got it. Thank you Jesus! He went and had another talk with our son. This time, he confronted him about what his mom had said. Our son was truthful saying that he was upset about some of the rulers but that was before their talk about why we have the rules that we do. However, he said he never told his mom that he didn't want to be over here and that he never said I treated him bad or yelled at him. *Sigh* Then my husband told him, that when I ask him to do something just do it because I only want the best for him and looking out for him. And the best part is when my husband explained to him, that I do things for him because I want to, the stuff that I do nobody tells me to and I am not obligated. That part brought a tear to me because I everything I do is out of love and he needs to understand that. All kids need to understand that! 

This was the closure that I needed! Do I feel bad that we broke the bio mom's confidentiality by telling our son what she said? Not really because now that it is all out in the open we are closer as a family for it. I use to say that I respect my son's mom because she birth 2 of my husband's kids, that was before seeing how wicked this lady can be. I can honestly say that I do not like this woman. Her side ways comments, lack of parenting, her nosiness into my household and lies will no longer be tolerated by me.

I tend to get overly emotional about situations such as these, is it just or not, I don't know? All I know is that I thank God that my husband is supportive of me, our family and is no longer uncomfortable with addressing an issue like this. I feel closer to him, more protected by him and appreciated by him. :) 

Lip Sync Battle

Last nights Lip Sync Battle (please see Party Planner post to read about the details of this event) was so much fun! I am very proud to say that, I made it to the to the finalist round! Our son won the jackpot with his song choice of, Every Little Step by Bobby Brown and Candy Girl by New Edition. For someone who was reluctant about participating a month ago, he not only won $100 but was outstanding in his performance. He totally channeled Bobby Brown, he even took off his shirt and sang to the girls in the "audience." Last night was a moment that our family will forever remember. 

My family came over at 7pm, everyone brought something to munch on and we all sat around eating and laughing while some good party music was playing with the disco ball in full effect. By 8 o'clock we decided to start a warm up of Lip Sync Battle. We all danced around singing and lip syncing to, New Kids on the Block, Jackson 5 and my brothers favorite, The Thong Song, hahaha. Now thinking about it we probably all looked like a bunch of crazies. 

Battle started exactly at 9 pm by drawing names from a hat to see who goes first. I was one of the first ones to go and my first song choice was, I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. Performing that song was a blast! I walked down a cat walk, threw my hat, took of my shirt (of course, I had a tank top underneath), I went all out and regret not recording it. Everyone had a chance to strut their stuff. There was a 5 way tie that had to be broken, competition was no joke. My daughter and aunt did an amazing job being judges, they took this task very serious and were fair despite everyone trying to give their two sense. By time the 5 way tie was broken by having to do an additional round and the winner from that one and my son battled it was already after midnight. It didn't even feel like we were all dancing around for over 3 hours. 

It felt so good to be with my family, laughing and dancing. As a teenager I would've never imagine "partying" with my family like this. I was always in trouble or getting into something as a kid but by my parents tough love, guidance and prayers I turned out pretty good and couldn't imagine having a party with them not being around. Oh how far we have come. :) 

I hope that this will become a family tradition every Halloween with my family and I. Something tells me that we won't have to wait a whole year for the next battle. I love my crazy family and my chaotic life! 




Song Choice
Mom: Can't Get Enough of Your Love by Taylor Dayne
Dad: Double Dutch Bus
Brother: The Doors (Cant remember the name of the song)
Sister: Living On A Prayer
Me: I'm Too Sexy
Husband: My Girl
Son: Every Little Step
Friend: P.Y.T