Love Letters

The past few weeks I've been setting some time aside to do something that rejuvenates me. It helps me to continue on with my day or with whatever it is that I feel up against. With my daughter going to school online there's a lot of quietness in my house during the day which I don't mind but it gives me a lot of time to think. Sometimes good thoughts and sometimes disturbing thoughts, I feel myself wrestling in my mind. Even though I don't keep idle, I'm always moving around and doing something, I guess the quietness gets to me sometimes. Maybe not so much the quietness but maybe the lack of conversation? 

Being at my wits ends with a lot of issues surrounding my family life, I figured there's no where else to turn, no one else to talk to that can help me, so I turned to God. Since He made me in His image then I'm sure He's up for a good conversation. :) 

Everyday, well to be honest most days, sometimes I forget, I pull out 3 scriptures from the Bible. I do my best to not pick out random ones but scriptures that are targeted towards what ever I'm dealing with that day whether it be needing encouragement, thank-fullness, or strength. I'm not going to lie, Google is a huge help in my search! Even after finding these comforting scriptures I tend to continue reading, giving me more insight to the scripture. After I find at least 3 focused scriptures I write them down and on another paper I write a letter to God. In my letter to Him I write down what it is that I'm going threw, what I need (forgiveness, direction ect.) from Him, it's my letter to Him to say what ever I want in that moment. After writing, I go back to the paper with the scriptures and read them out loud, after reading them out loud I pull out the letter I wrote to God and read that out loud as well. My reason behind reading them out loud is simply cause closed mouths don't get fed. My voice and my words are powerful and I want to exercise and strengthen that power by using it daily. 

You can call my letters, prayers or even wishful thinking but I refer to them as my love letters to God. Not all my letters are roses and daisies but just like a human, He wants me to tell him about my bad days just as much as He wants to know about the good days. He is there for me to vent to, plead to, ask anything, seek guidance or to say thank you to. He is alive and eager to hear from me. 

Since I've been doing this I find myself looking forward to the next time that I can write to Him. It also helps me to remember that He's there with me through out my day. When starting this I wasn't sure what to expect or how it was all going to work out but now I expect to have my letters heard and answered because He continuously shows me that He is listening to me. I've seen my letters answered in ways that I still can not believe! There's no return to sender with these love letters. :) 

My Not So Happy Get-Away

It was a "fun" filled weekend. Usually my husband works Saturdays but thanks to my sister being a guest speaker at a charity event, he took the day off. We took the kids and dogs and loaded everyone in the RV to make it a fun little get away on the beach. If only it would have gone as planned. It was one of those times where every thing did not worked out in our favor. 

We left late Friday night, for some reason we thought it be more adventurous, which turned out to be the same as leaving at a decent time, in addition to being dead tired. We parked right on the beach and I'm still kicking myself for not taking pictures of our view! For us, nothing beats waking up around 6am, with a coffee, on the beach, walking our dogs, it's the best feeling every. With all the moving and bio mom drama, that moment with my family made me forget everything. At home if I get 5 hours of sleep I am grumpy but on our get-aways I can run off of 4 hours of sleep and be happy as can be, funny how that works.

After our over night stay on the beautiful beach, we headed out to another RV park closer to where my sister was going to be giving her speech. On our way we stopped in a big empty parking lot next to a gas station to check our propane. Turned out our propane level was just fine, so as we were driving out of the parking lot my husband and I are joking around, the kids are hanging out, the dogs are laying down and out of no where we hear a, CRUNCH and SCREAMING! We hit a car! Our 44 ft RV didn't clear the turn. Thankfully no one was hurt but the lady was an older woman and was very shaken up. I did my best to calm her. After we switched information, she calmed down and told us that she was so sorry for being upset. We reasured her it was ok and that it was our fault. She later tells us that the reason she thinks she was so upset was because her car was given to her by her mother so passed away 10 years ago. My heard broke! Could this get any worse?! We hit this lady's car, insurance will probably tell her to buy a new one, we had a little damage to our rig as well and now it's her deceased mother's car! My husband felt really bad and told her, that he use to own a body shop so if the insurance company tells her to buy a new one then ask for a check instead and he will fix her car for her so that she can keep her mom's car. This made her feel better and at ease that at least now she has options. 

Once we got back on the road my husband's confidence in driving this big ol beast was completely shaken. Thankfully our site was 20 minutes away and a pull-thru spot, no turning or backing up needed. 

Noon time we arrive, there's was enough time to hook up and or me to jump in the shower and start getting ready for this fancy charity event. As I'm getting ready I see my husband getting upset. I ask what's wrong and wouldn't you know it, more bad news. He takes ONE full Saturday off and it can't even be a peaceful one with out work drama. I do my best to calm him down but by this time its a lost cause. 

With no time to sit around and sulk, we head to my sister's event. My whole family was there, my brother and I are laughing and catching up, I'm mingling with real grown ups, there was a silent auction, the wine and appetizers were flowing. Everyone is having a great time. I look over and there's my husband being distant and lost in his own mind, my son taking after his dad and my daughter complaining about her hair being pulled up too tight in a bun. Are you kidding me? I hope no one else was seeing what I was seeing. I did my best to ignore everything and focused on my sister's awesome speech. She had also donated a cake that made it into the live auction and sold for $325! Despite how great it all was, I needed to get my family out of there before they all further embarrassed me! We left early and 45mins after we leave my sister texts me and says the news station just interviewed her! I missed it! My fussy family made me miss seeing my little sister get interviewed for TV, not cool! By this time I'm not even talking to my husband, this man is not on my good side. 

Next morning, Sunday, I wake up ready to express my disappointment and that did not go over very well. For the rest of the trip it was the silent treatment. This wonderful get away turned into a nightmare! By this time I wanted to be home and away from everyone. We get home and I decided before I left to my mom's house to watch my sister's interview that they recorded for me (since I missed it) I was going to let everyone know how disappointed in their behavior I was. I give all that I have to each and everyone of them and all I asked was to go and support my sister for one evening as a family and they couldn't even do that. To say I was hurt is an understatement. Right after I left. I arrived at my mom's but couldn't go inside til I got some kind of closure with my husband. I called him and sat in front of my mom's house for a good hour on the phone. By the end of the hour he seen where I was coming from and even though I could see where he was coming from, it did not make his behavior right and once I knew he realized that, I felt better. 

I watched the interview and it was amazing! My brother was shown, my aunt was shown, my dad's arm was shown and my mom's face was covered by a vase of flowers but I could still see her hair. Everyone looked so good on TV! Hahaha. What I would give to go back in time and have been there! My baby sister has accomplished so much in her short life and without a doubt am so proud of her! 

It's now Monday evening and looking back on the weekend, it was long, emotional but at the same time learned more about my husband and he learned more about me. The real sad part of the weekend is that out of all the beauty I was surrounded by the only pictures I took was of the accident!  : / 

This poor lady's mom's car

My Funky Chicken

Between the kids, moving, cleaning, cooking, school work, my dogs, I have to also tend to my chicken. Recently Miss Abernathy's companions passed away, RIP Abernathy #2 and Abernathy #3. I was really worried about her being lonely so I would keep my Doberman, Red Person, outside in the backyard with her. He's a gentle giant and the two of them have formed their own unique bound. I was considering getting more chicks to keep her company but I had a feeling our move would be happening sooner than later and wouldn't be able to take them all with me. 

Right now I am facing 2 issues regarding Abernathy. Issue #1, I can't take her with me when we move and have asked my parents to take her in to love and care for her. Of course I will still be seeing her often, cleaning her coop, dropping off her food and snacks. I just need someone to house her. My mom is on board but it's just my dad that we need to work on. I have asked him a year ago to please start thinking about having her live with him because there was no way I can take her with me and I just can't send her to a farm. I love her too much! My dad is coming over Sunday to reunite with Miss Abernathy. My hope is that when he see's her he will see her unique personality shine and instantly fall in love with her. Or I'd just settle for him feeling guilty and take her in, haha. 

This brings me to issue #2, she is molting! The molting process for a chicken is not pretty. Their feathers fall out and their egg production either slows or stops and hers has stopped. It's even common for them to feel embarrassed because of their feather lose. This process can last for months. 

How can my dad fall in love with my once glamorously silky smooth chicken when her feathers are falling out all over the place? Not only that but her falling feathers makes a bit of a mess in the backyard. We don't live on a ranch or farm, we're city people with a backyard chicken on our green, clean and trimmed lawn. I put up with it cause honestly, I'm not the one who cleans the backyard and cause I love her and her fresh eggs. But for my dad who's the one who cleans his backyard and doesn't understand the joys of fresh eggs, this can be a huge downside to Abernathy living with him. 

A huge plus for my dad taking her in is saving money on buying eggs. Eventually, yes she will start producing again but I need it to look like he's getting a good deal now not 4 months from now. How else can she pull her own weight over there?

Oh, Miss Abernathy, you are not giving me much to worth with. 

Well I have from now til Sunday to clean up the backyard, give my chicken a good ol pep talk and get some tasty snacks for my dad to feed her with. Wish Abernathy and I luck. 

Before and after pics of my funky molting chicken

The Biological Mom

This week I've had the (not so) pleasure dealing with my husband's ex wife, who is also the mother of his son. The conversation started with a simple schedule talk that turned into a bigger issue. She dropped a bomb on me by saying, our son does not want to be at our house and hates coming over here. Shocked is an understatement of what I felt. He's always happy to be here, smiling, helping plan our week together, where was this coming from? 

After talking more she comes out and says, he said it a couple months ago, well a couple months ago makes a whole lot of sense. A couple months ago he was being rude and moody towards me. Frankly, a couple months ago I didn't want him here either cause he was mean as hell to me, of course I didn't say that. What I should've said was, "read my blog because his attitude is well documented on there" haha. 

She said he didn't like the way I talked to him. I assured her that I have never yelled or raised my voice at him but I was firm with him and let him know that talking to me that way was not OK. I was brave enough to tell her that, I do not regret telling him that because while he's talking to me like that I have my 11 year old watching and I need to show her that it is not OK for someone to talk to me like that.  I asked if he has said he doesn't want to come over here again recently and she said no. 

It just strikes me as odd that she showed no concern about how he was being rude to an adult and that she even had an issue with us monitoring his phone use. Saying that it's not right to cut him off from his friends by taking his phone. I told her, he's without his phone for 3-4 hours out of the day, that's it. That seemed to just go over her head. 

She went even lower by saying, our 2 other daughters don't live with us and now our son doesn't want to, so we must be doing something to the kids. 

The fact is that our oldest is 20 years old! She shouldn't be living at home with us and doesn't even live with her either! In fact our oldest was living with us before she turned 18 full time and not going to her moms, until she got rebellious and moved out. Our other daughter (who is from another woman )lives far away. Which makes her statement not only irrelevant but nasty and unjust. I could have stooped to that level and point the finger about what's going on in her house and how her step daughter refuses to live over there but instead I just listened and corrected whatever lies (from my son )were being said to her. 

I called my husband, now I see why he doesn't like dealing with this lady. After telling him everything he was not surprised and said he wasn't worried about anything that she said because over there she lets him do his own thing and here there are rules. He did say that he will talk to our son to reassure him that we love him, we only want the best for him and we are always here for him. 

Why would a mother be OK with their child being disrespectful? Is it OK because I am "just the step mom?" How can she not be concerned as a mom about her son spending 8 hrs straight on his phone? Are we in the wrong? How does she run her household? What is wrong with this lady? How many more years do I have to deal with her?

I hung up the phone with way more questions and more disturbed of her thinking than my son saying he doesn't want to be here. Kids will be kids, I have not met one that will not spin a story in their favor or be overly dramatic. He's a teenage boy, it's expected. But she made it seem as if we were depriving him or torturing him without even acknowledging that she understood it's OK for kids to have rules. She seemed like her son was overly righteous to be having rules. 

Though my husband advised me to, "let it go," I couldn't help but wonder, are we in the wrong? Later that day I went to pick up my son from school, he got in the car happy as can be ready to tell me about his day. As I dropped him off at kickboxing, he exited the car with a smile and a wave bye. His positive nature towards me assured me that, yes he is a teenage boy that gets upset, just like anyone else but...we're OK. :) 

My husband and I are both in an agreement with how we conduct our house and raise our kids. We have seen positive results from the rules that are in place. We are close as a family, through the good and bad times. My husband said it best, "I'd rather he's disconnected with his friends for a few hours than disconnected with his family." 

Will we change our parenting because of this woman's two (non)cents? No. Will we keep an eye on our son's behavior? Yes. All we want is the best for our kids. Even if they can't understand why we do what we do, when they are older and parents, they will understand. 

Date Night, Paint Night

This week my husband and I went on a paint night- date night. It was our first time and it was a blast! We went to a place that was in a city next to us, which made it feel like a little get away. In our city it is so fast paced, everyone is always on the go, in a hurry, literally going til you drop. Even though the city next to us is about a 20 minute drive, it feels so much different. There is a more slower pace. People are strolling along. Horses are being taken for a walk on the road. Faces aren't bared in cell phone or tablets. Best of all, no one knows us. 

I got to admit I was a little intimidated seeing the picture that we were going to paint. We had a plate of only 5 colors to work with: red, black, white, blue and yellow. We were given two brushes to use, a flat head looking brush and a pointy tip brush. I felt like a real artist in my cool looking apron. Our instructor was hilarious, he definitely knew how to work a room. His jokes were funny and his music selection was the cherry on top.

It was all the right makings for a great night out with my husband. Then again I say that every time we go somewhere together. I can't help it, he's good company. We walked away with 2 very cool paintings that will be on display in our new place. 

If you have not been to a paint night, go, you will without a doubt enjoy yourselves! 

Moving On Up

My husband and I have been planning to move for a year. We have sold a lot of our items in our house over the last year, saving money, repairing our credit so that we can get the highest score possible and most importantly praying and waiting for God's will. 

We seen a place that we felt will do, it was decent, cheaper in price so we figured we'd qualify no problem. Got a call back and we were not approved. I was shocked! How can this be, it's cheap and we're settling for less than what we want and we still can't get qualified? We went to the gym to work off this let down and came to the thought that maybe God just does not want this for us or maybe we need to go cheaper? Obviously, we had no idea what was going on. Later that night we figured since we already got rejected one time that day mite as well aim high. That evening we put in a request for a place that was everything we could possibly dream of having. This is the exact place that we have been day dreaming about for a year. If were getting rejected then we're going to get rejected for something worth it.

The next day I was getting out of the shower going about my day and my phone rings. I didn't reconize the number but answered anyways. It was a man calling to follow up about my request, I thought, that was fast. This nice man gave me news that just about made my towel fall to the floor! We were APPROVED! First thought was, what and thank you Jesus! I had him explain to me exactly what "approved" meant just to make sure we had the same definition. Poor guy probably thought I was crazy. Haha. Right after I called my husband and couldn't help but scream out what just happened. Now, my husband is a very laid back guy, hard to get any reaction out of him and he didn't fail with this laid back approach. I'm over here jumping around and he's as calm as a cucumber. He later told me that he was like that because he felt like it was too good to be true, seeing how we have been let down in the past. 

Fast forward to almost a week later, we're signing the papers tomorrow and this weekend I will be calling our landlord to give our 30 days notice! No more renting, we are going to be home owners! 

Looking back, it's funny to me how we were  going to settle for something neither of us wanted but that's not the way God works. He wants the best for His people and that is exactly what we are getting! My mom tells me, "Don't you know you are the daughter of a King and you deserve the best." Momma is right again. Haha. 

The Joys Of Raising A Daughter

Call it woman intuition or wishful thinking but the day I found out I was pregnant I knew my baby would be a girl. I've had from that day til now to think about how I would handle, "the talk," comfort her broke heart during break-ups, deal with her hormones and help her along when she starts her menstrual cycle. These talks have been a ticking time bomb for me that seemed to always be right around the corner. Eleven years isn't enough time to prepare for all of this! 

The first of the series was "the talk." Not to brag but the birds and the bees conversation was as natural as the act it self! Haha. There was no actual sit down of a talk and the talk still continues to this day. Every time she wants to know something new or when I feel that she needs to be educated on something we have a discussion about it. I'm not one to tell people how to raise their kids, but this generation is moving fast and I feel the need to be on top of what's being paraded around everywhere. Caitlyn Jenner, need I say more?  

We still have a few more years til we get to mending a broken heart. This one may be the hardest for me. I spent her whole life protecting her and loving her and for some jerk to come and be so loosey-goosey with her heart will not go over well with me. See, it hasn't even happened yet and I'm already getting worked up. 

When the moodiness started coming I had to act fast! There was no way I was going to let this little girl get all moody on me, she was going to have to learn how to control it. We downloaded some books onto her Kindle to help her understand what was going on inside her. This was a huge help because it broke it down in better ways then I could have. The books also went into depth about maintaining a clean body, just all around great books.  

Preparing for the first visit of Aunt Flo, yay? I love that we have an open relationship so that I could help her long with this milestone. For the past few months we have been on, "period watch." It was just a matter of time and kept our fingers crossed that it would happen discreetly. Thank you Jesus, our prayers were answered! It happened in the comfort of our own bathroom while studying on online school! Poor thing had cramps for days. She tells me, "now I know why some times you just lay in bed and when I come in there to talk to you you tell me, step out please I need to be alone." Haha. Finally, someone is understanding me! After everything was all said and done, I have to admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Time to pat myself on the back. 

Communication is key to healthy marriages, friendships and even parenting. I combine a lot of prayer with communication to grow a happy marriage and raise kids that are ready to take on the world.