A few weeks back I had a conversation with the biological mother of my son (please see The Biological Mom post for reference) and the horrible things that lady was saying had been playing over and over in my mind. The day after "that talk" my husband had a talk of his own with our son, explaining the reasoning behind the rules that we have at our house. He told him, that when his sister was younger he (my husband) let her do anything she wanted to keep her happy and now that she's 20 years old, she doesn't work, doesn't go to school, takes from everyone around her and lacks the simplest form of respect, he recognized that that was not the right way to parent. So now, he wants to have more structure, discipline and respect added to his parenting. Our son thought about it and after wards thanked my husband for explaining it to him. And that was that, between them.
Me on the other hand, I was still struggling with the things the bio mom told me that my son was saying about me. She even took it further by mentioning about going to court to limit our time with him. This was all too much for me to handle! I give everything I have to my kids! I do all that I can for them! I am the one who is spending time with them, not my husband and not his mom. And this is what I get in return? My son saying lies about me? But when he comes over here he wants me to take him here, take him there. This is not right in my eyes. I am no ones door mat nor do I condone such two faced behavior. Nope, not on my watch.
I wanted so badly to express all this to my husband but was scared it mite lead to a fight, this was eating me alive! Finally after a week and a half, I talked to him about it. I started the talk off by saying that, I was having a hard time and just need some encouragement. Then I let it loose, just talking about the situation I was brought to tears. This really rocked me to my core. My feelings were so hurt! My husband did good on uplifting me about our parenting together and that if she wants to go to court then she is in for a rude awakening. Here's this lady who's bf has called the cops on her for domestic violence and who's bf smokes weed, need I say more? This uplifted me, my husband was on my side!
The next couple of days after was even harder for me. Kids will be kids and complain, this I understand. But, when my son would do this to me it would frustrate me cause I wanted to tell him, "Hey just please do it." Before anything could come out of my mouth, his mother's words kept ringing in my ears. Despite the talk with my husband this feeling was not going away. My depress state erupted later that day with my husband, I left the house before an argument could take place. I went and talked with my family needing to laugh, needing to feel some type of joy cause I just was not getting it at home. I felt as if I was walking on egg shells so that my son won't go back to his mom and say more things about me.
When I went back home my husband and I talked, he had no idea that the root of my out burst was still do to this bio mom thing. I tried to express the true depth of my hurt. Somewhere along my venting he got it. Thank you Jesus! He went and had another talk with our son. This time, he confronted him about what his mom had said. Our son was truthful saying that he was upset about some of the rulers but that was before their talk about why we have the rules that we do. However, he said he never told his mom that he didn't want to be over here and that he never said I treated him bad or yelled at him. *Sigh* Then my husband told him, that when I ask him to do something just do it because I only want the best for him and looking out for him. And the best part is when my husband explained to him, that I do things for him because I want to, the stuff that I do nobody tells me to and I am not obligated. That part brought a tear to me because I everything I do is out of love and he needs to understand that. All kids need to understand that!
This was the closure that I needed! Do I feel bad that we broke the bio mom's confidentiality by telling our son what she said? Not really because now that it is all out in the open we are closer as a family for it. I use to say that I respect my son's mom because she birth 2 of my husband's kids, that was before seeing how wicked this lady can be. I can honestly say that I do not like this woman. Her side ways comments, lack of parenting, her nosiness into my household and lies will no longer be tolerated by me.
I tend to get overly emotional about situations such as these, is it just or not, I don't know? All I know is that I thank God that my husband is supportive of me, our family and is no longer uncomfortable with addressing an issue like this. I feel closer to him, more protected by him and appreciated by him. :)
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